Live Free or Mouth Guard.

Bruce Willis has always been badass. Yeah, he made those two movies with that junkie from Friends. But he was also in Grindhouse, 16 Blocks, Sin City, The Sixth Sense, Twelve Monkeys, and Pulp Fiction. He was walking around Harlem with a sign that read "I Hate Niggers" before Don Imus Kramer'd himself. And he doesn't disappoint with the racial slurs in this film.

I'll confess.

I've never seen a complete Die Hard film. I've seen bits and pieces of all of them on those matinee TV showings they have every once in a while. But that's ok, because I'm the key demographic for this film, and it's good to have a different perspective other than all the other cats who are Die Hardheads.

Firstly, I won't hide my enthusiasm for this film. Live Free or Die Hard has the best action sequences since District B13. They're creative, they're fun, they're hilarious. It's not often a movie can make butter out of your stomach and give you the giggles at the same time. True, there is an odd lack of blood in the action scenes (attributed to the PG-13 rating), but who cares? Go watch an Eli Roth film if you want to see skin on bones.

That is all this film is. It doesn't let up. It's set piece after set piece. There's a story in there somewhere about hackers and the ubiqutous taped TV message, blah blah blah. The action scenes can not be explained. Literally, I would feel like I am doing you wrong if I describe them. And I would never want to do that. All I can tell you is if you've ever wondered what it looks like to see an SUV ram your high school valedictorian-turned nemesis into an open elevator shaft, this is the flick for you.

Alas, not all good things can last. Yes, Kevin Smith is in this film. And yes, Kevin Smith is absolutely horrendous in this film. He does it a disservice, and I'm sure he knows this. He plays Kevin Smith playing a genious computer hacker. Kevin Smith? He can barely log in to his MySpace account let alone all the stuff he does in this. Also, Timothy Olyphant's turn as a villain certainly left me dissatisfied. This has got to be one of the few action films where the villain holds little to no weight, but at the same time he is irrelevant to everything Bruce Willis is doing.

I thought Len Wiseman did a great job with Underworld. This film looked great. The production value was dripping off the screen, every piece of rubble was in place, and every action sequence was clear and well-presented for the audience to enjoy. I only wish he had spent more time in post, becuase the dialogue editing in this film is terrible. There is literally a whole scene in this film where Justin Long is mouthing off and his dialogue is completely out of sync with his movements. A bit aggravating, but it can be forgiven.

This is the best time you'll have at the theatres this Summer along with Knocked Up and Transformers.

And also, Bruce Willis has three lines in the whole movie.

-AG

LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD: 4 Racial slurs from Bruce Willis / 5 Racial slurs from Bruce Willis.